Clifford J Buhl, PsyD. LP
A Couples List of Commitment
I think that this is a very nice aspirational list for a couple. As one friend that I shared this with stated . . . "Who doesn't want that?!"
I promise. . .
1. The most important thing to us is family and love. We will put nothing above this family.
2. We will never give up on us or our family even when we lose hope.
3. The decision has been made that we are going the distance (40+ years).
4. We will have faith in us.
5. Our love will not be conditional.
6. We will share all we have with each other until we die (including the radio in the car).
7. We will be strong and fierce in defending our family.
8. Every problem between us will be solved, we will find a compromise or the difficulty can be accepted.
9. We will take care of each other as much as we take care of ourselves.
10. We will strive to be as honest as we can be, no matter what.
11. We will strive to trust because without trust we are lost.
12. When we hurt each other we will take responsibility, apologize and make efforts to make it right.
13. We will give when we can because we can.
14. We will not keep score.
15. We will not let fear, sadness, anger or the past keep us from what our love and family will be.
16. We will respect the other person’s spiritual beliefs.
17. We will strive for balance between our individual needs.
18. We will believe and accept when each other says that they cannot give.
19. We will strive to listen.
20. We will have each other’s back no matter what. We will defend us to everyone and we will never show others our cracks again. As far as everyone else is concerned our relationship is perfect from this day on.
21. When we disagree with each other we will talk to each other about it in private at a later time and we will not stop loving each other.
22. We will strive to keep our word.
23. We will give each other space when asked for it.
24. We will not blame each other for our loneliness or expect each other to fix it.
25. We will be a team when it comes to parenting.
26. Hurting you is hurting me. I do not believe in injuring myself and I do not believe in hurting you.
27. We will not teach lessons outside of loving ways.
28. We will not abandon our vows or our family.
29. We will always come back.
30. We will be open to trying new things together.
31. We will not fight to be right.
32. We will strive not to compete against each other unless it is healthy or loving.
33. We will celebrate each other’s successes and mourn losses.
34. We will strive to accept each other the way we are.
35. We will work to love and be kind with ourselves.
36. We will do our best to make ourselves better.
37. We will fight the chaos that is forever in our minds and choose to love ourselves and our family.
38. We will come back to how we feel and not offer an endless stream of “facts.”
39. We will support the changes that we want to make for ourselves and our family.
40. We will strive to respect each other and treat each other as best friends.
41. We will compromise and strive to accept with grace to keep the compromises we agree to.
42. We will not compare each other with perfection, other people or our pasts.
43. We will never cheat on each other and will not accept infidelity.
44. We will protect each other from those who would hurt this family.
45. We will strive not to attack each other’s character.
46. If you fall or get sick I will take care of you.
47. We will put our backs against each other and keep it there until the end.
48. We will strive to believe that the other person has positive intentions.
49. We will make great efforts to resolve resentments.
50. We will strive to forgive both of us for all our transgressions.
I will carry this list with me. When we fight I will step away if I what I would say will damage you. I will read this list. I will remember what is most important. I will look at my part in the problem even if you are not seeing your part, are hurting me, are lost, or broken. I will hold up my end of the bridge forever even if you drop yours. If I must be a fool let me be a fool for us and love. I will have faith that you will come back to me. I will not blame you for my decisions. I will stop our conflict from spiraling out of control. When we come back together after conflict I will remind you of our love and take responsibility.
When I am lost . . I will read this until I am found again.